Dear Lord,
I think I've figured out why I'm reluctant to put pen to paper or my voice to a song. I walk into book stores and music stores and am overwhelmed at the sheer number of volumes that envelope me as I make my way around the maze of shelves. What has not been sung about? What has not been written about? Nothing, possibly! But then you whisper to me the idea that if everything Jesus said and did in his WHOLE lifetime was written down, then there would not be enough volumes on earth to contain it all. So I am in a constant state of tug-a-war with my feelings of being overwhelmed and my feelings of wanting to leave my story in song or written form.
You have bugged me for a while to write, and I've been consistently coming up with excuses or switching the channel to another feed. Somethings I think I watch so many movies because it suppresses my urge to write or sing. But then again what do I have to offer to the world. My imperfections sing opera in my head whenever I ever do try to put pen to paper (or in the modern world now: fingers to keys). I feel like I'm waiting for the right moment or time or person or inspiration to start writing my story. I've been keeping my mind occupied lately instead of writing. I'm being honest here, but there is one person that always inspires my writing. -- To that person (you don't know who you are) I thank you. Whenever I talk with you (that person) I feel like I really could write. I talked to you today actually, and then I wanted to write again. Whenever I think of you, I think of writing. Thank you again. -- <-- Those are words I wish I could say out loud, but blogging needs to be enough right now.
Sorry Lord for not always being honest with myself or with others sometimes. Writing here seems like a chicken approach, but along with the volumes of songs and titles that overwhelm me rejection seems worse somehow. I think that I would rather keep my stories hidden in my heart or my blog than share them at times. Anonymity seems like hiding, but I hide well. All of mankind really good at hide-and-seek though. You know this, Lord. You had the first game with Adam and Eve in the garden.
So Lord, I'm still overwhelmed with the books and albums, but I'm beginning to get the idea that you have something for me to say. I just need to keep listening for now.
Thank you Lord for you patience with a messy person like me. My spirit is unkept lately, but I know that you are my peace, my time keeper, and my innkeeper. May you unlock the words and let them find a way onto paper for your glory and not mine. Again may you bring them for you and not for me.
From your child who is still playing hide and seek to the innkeeper who always finds her.
In your name,
Amen
