Pajamas, Glasses, and Christmas Movies

Well, its been a while...God has been working on my heart to get me back into writing.  And this Thanksgiving I got a little nudge from my uncle.  He asked me, "when are you going to write something?"  I told him I already had.  But I don't know if my memoir is worth reading.  There are so many books out there.  Walking in bookstores is overwhelming.  And yes, I do judge a book by its cover.  Some of the books are intimidating and others make my stomach cringe.  How can I be intimidated by someone who writes words on a page?  Well, it is possible.  I thought maybe I would just publish it here on the blog.  Then I can look at writing something new.

Just a thought.  Something I am pondering...but in the meantime I'm going to start publishing my photos of steps that I've taken.  I think it may be just the past time I need right now.  So I'm not going to be pursuing this blog anymore.  As I sit here in my pajamas, glasses, and watching a Christmas movie I am going to launch a photo blog.  I'll post the link.

Loneliness…We were not created to be alone.

Technology has disguised itself as the quick, fix all solution to our God-created need to be connected.  Don't allow all of your connection to be through technology.  Conversation is powerful.  We can't hide behind our carefully crafted words and photoshopped pictorial representations.  Mistakes are made…forgiveness is exchanged.  That is what being with people is all about.  

Watch this video.

The Innovation of Loneliness from Shimi Cohen on Vimeo.

Sometimes...

Dear Lord,

Sometimes I wish for an embrace
Sometimes the hug doesn't come
Sometimes my words grow heavy
Sometimes promises seem empty
Sometimes I hate being strong
Sometimes the temptation grows strong
Sometimes my worth feels stained
Sometimes promises feel like lies
Sometimes I desire a soulmate
Sometimes the tears escape their cells
Sometimes my heart cracks a little more
Sometimes promises feel so far away
Sometimes I mourn what I've lost
Sometimes the ache moves in
Sometimes my eyes compare
Sometimes promises are dissected
Sometimes I weep for what I don't have
Sometimes the cries are in hollowness
Sometimes my mind gets lost in "what ifs"
Sometimes promises are lies I tell myself
Sometimes I wish I could be beautiful
Sometimes the beauty is lost on me
Sometimes my heart hurts
Sometimes promises are broken
Sometimes

Today I Realized Something About Myself

Lord, 

Today as I was reflecting back on giving my testimony during a night of sharing testimonies with my Small Group at church I realized something. Something about me. Something about you. Something about my view of you. Today I discovered that in looking at my parents' relationship, that I know what it is to be loved by a mother and a father. They do a great job of providing for us kids and giving us wisdom filled advice. For that I am eternally thankful. I always feel supported in my dreams and aspirations! I always feel that my aspirations always have a sounding block and opportunities to practice those dreams!

But... (du du duh...) No, not really! But still I discovered that my parents have done a marvelous job of providing parently support and opportunities for growth. One thing that never fully developed in my sight as a child growing up was expression of love and affection between a man and wife. I'm talking the little things, thoughtful things. Maybe that influenced how I view You, Lord. I always thought of you as a father. I do not find it challenging to see you as supportive and loving in a parent-like way. But the idea you giving me someone to love on a deeper level seems foreign. I haven't really seen it, therefore I don't really know what to expect or think. I have no frame of reference within those closest to me. I don't know what I haven't really seen.

So I sometimes don't think of you beyond my Lord and my Father. I pray that you will begin to take more of a dimension to me as I learn more about all of who you are. I ask that you show me the other aspects of your character and relationships.

I pray all this in your holy name! 

Amen

Want to be a Deer

Lord,

Lately, I've felt really guilty with wanting to be in love with someone.  I want someone to want me.  But Lord, my affections should be first and foremost toward you.  I have been hung up on romantic movies, songs, and books lately.  It kind of hurts to read or sing along with those songs.  I don't know what it is like, but I want to know.  Songs that are beautiful and graceful are full of love, but they kind of pain me.  I am trying to not think about what is in 26 days: Valentines Day.  I've never been in love on V-Day, and I know that this year will be a slightly sad day again.  But Lord, if I celebrated your love on this day, I know you would replace my loneliness.  I have to keep my heart pointed in the right direction and wait for you to reorient my focus.

But Lord, I want to write a love letter to my future love.

'You are wonderful being you being with me,

You take me to a place closer to real life.

You make the grey bright like those days in May.

You are funny and insist on making me laugh,

You take me with you resting and busy-ness.

You make the clouds roll away to reveal a shine.

You are not stuck in perfect but moving through time,

You take me away from loneliness and into gentle duo,

You make me not out of control but out of earnest,

You are you and I am me but together we are we.'

Thank you Lord for your plan, and thank you for putting this longing in me for someone to love here on the earth of your creation.  I can honestly say that I have never thanked you for this before, because I always felt shameful of not being satisfied.  But you give us our desires and you are the wonderful fulfiller of them all.  You are greater than my emotions and feelings.  But you did create them!  Lord thank you for them, and I thank you that I am not 2D but oh so multidimensional. 

Thank you Jesus.  In your name,

Amen

Remind Me Who I Am to You!

Dear Jesus-

Thank you for your grace and mercy Lord.  Even though I get lost in my thoughts sometimes, you are the one who reassures me who I really am in you.  Please take me into your truth daily.  Redeem the incorrect labels I have placed on myself.  Remove the guilt I also put on myself.  Lord you are bigger than the names we give ourselves.  You want for us to ask you for a name in you, Jesus.  Thank you for a name that is full of your grace.  Jesus you are beautiful and full of second, third, 73rd chances...  You are beautiful. 

Today I found a video on YouTube that is amazing.  The song is called "Remind Me Who I Am" by Jason Gray.  Watch it below!

Thank you, Lord for your love and truth!

In your name,

Amen

Faith (FULL)

Dear Lord,

Lately, you have really been having me focus on having faith.  Whether it is when you have me tell my story to someone or plan out my day, faith is in there clear as day.  Having faith is about trusting.  Not just trusting in gravity to keep me attached to the earth, but trusting in you, Lord, to keep me in your plan and in your sight.  I was reading Proverbs 16 two days ago and stumbled on this verse, that I had already known, but rediscovered:

"Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established."  -- Prov. 16:3

What really hit me in this verse is the order of his promise here.  I have to step out in faith first, Lord, in commitment of my work to you, then you will establish my plans.  So as I have discovered, God, you have brought me to the end of my plans and into the beginning of yours.  I have dedicated my work to you and you are planning for me.  I don't know the plans yet, but you are good, Lord, and will make them established in heaven and earth.  I thank you for them in advance. 

Also while I was reading this verse, I discovered something beautiful about it.  At first this terrifies me, but really it encourages my heart.  This verse is essential to marriage.  In marriage (the way you designed it Lord) we have to commit in faith first and dedicate the marriage to you, and then you will establish our plans.  The world has a skew view of marriage as this "I want..." list of things in the "spouse" checklist, but really Lord you ask for us to make a sacrifice in faith and follow you into the overwhelming step that makes us one with another person.  So Lord, thank you that even in that faithfully unknown moment, that you are big and great.  You are the eternal map maker and guide.  May we always look to you!

You have great plans for us today.  I do not know what you want from me in the area of faith, right now, but I am holding fast to you and those you have put in my path to bless. 


Lord you are bigger than me.  Lord you are my reason for breath.  Lord you are love for me.  Lord you have brought me to where I am today.  Lord you have taken me through much.  Lord you help me face what there is to come.  You are my redeemer and savior. 

In faith I take steps today in blessing and praise for you!

Take me to your moments of faith today. 

In your name I pray.

Your full of faith child,

Amen