My Perception of You, Lord

Lord,

I've really began to examine how I view you and relate to you. Who are you to me compared to who you represent yourself in the Bible? Am I being too narrow when there is so much of you to know? How do my wounds shape how I view you? I guess I need to be more faithful to how you really are as your Word tells you are. That is one aspect in my life that requires me to read more of the Bible today. I am worn out by the faith of this world and the faith of the church (as a whole). I guess I'm tired of man's promises instead of yours. I can't depend on man, and I know that is so true. Lord, you are bigger than what I think and what I believe. I know this and I ask that you make it more and more real to me. Lord please let me hold tight to you true you, not the one the church portrays or anyone else for that matter.

Lord you are bigger, denser, brighter, more peaceable, cleaner, safer, more distinct, more definable, more open, kinder, more trustworthy, more graceful, more beautiful, and gentler than any love we find on the earth. I want to love someone that echos you and those things that are bigger than me, but I need to know the echo-maker before I can be a true echo. Please make me a true echo of your love and patience. I pray that I not be one of judgment, but of compassion and more forgiving than I can sum up in my hopes.

Lord you know I struggle to love two extended members of my family that I find frustrating, selfish, and at times unlovable. Love is an obligation and right now I only do it out of obedience, not out of want or need. Lord, before I felt so guilty, but I know now that I only have enough strength right now to love them out of obedience right now. You do not find me guilty. You find me agreeing with your commands. One day I will voluntarily love them, but right now pain is too close to the surface. Anger comes too easily. Lord you are greater than these, but really I find it hard to make my frustration cease. I try to obey Lord, you, as you have commanded. I know you know I cannot handle much else right now. Lord you are great and merciful by only giving us what we can handle at each moment.

Lord you have this moment and the next. Please be with my friends from school and make them your instruments of peace and may you bring them peace and breaths of rest. Please walk with them.

Thank you for your river of love.

In your name,

Amen